Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Things that are starving in my house...

I have a tendency to not be very well organized... I suppose its a little more than a tendency its just plain and simple a part of who I am. So do I say well thats who I am you should live with it? Or do I try and change it?
I wish that the first part was the answer, I wish I was one of those people who could just say, "this is me get used to it!" However I know the truth of that, I want to be a better person in fact I love organization I just don't know how to keep it going. I could ask my Mum to help me, but that would be setting myself up for endless moments of nagging and thus causing CJ to poke his eye out or start drinking.... 

 Now with all of this it leads me to my title ' Things that are starving in my house'. In no particular order I will list the things in our house that have been starving for quite sometime... I will probably be attacked by some animal rights groups but seriously I know its a problem and I am willing to change.
1. Fluffy- Fluffy is our pet fish he/she is a beta fish and because our last Beta died from eating too much I tend to not feed Fluffy all that much. Usually the response we get from people is "Um I think your fish is dead?!". Which then I respond by swishing the water back and forth waiting for movement, and then feed it.
I have decided to change this by feeding Fluffy on trash days. This will be good Fluffy will get fed on a regular basis unless however I forget to take the trash down to the street. Then well pretty much Fluffy is in trouble.

2. Plants- I have 3 plants. 1 of which my Mother gave me along with a small pitcher with instructions on how to water said plant. Somehow I still find ways to forget to water the plant every Monday as instructed. Is it because I feel its just one more way my mother has found to nag me but by not nagging me? I don't know. The other 2 plants are these weird Chia pet like snow men that grow grass out of their heads... I really don't think its physically possible to kill these plants. In fact after the holidays I am afraid I will throw them away only to wake up the next day to find them sitting on our front door step like some weird Chia Ouija plant.

3. My Spirit- I realize that some people may be shocked by this and some may not, and it may be completely obvious to some. I don't feed or water my spirit on a regular basis. I don't know why because I am very aware of the battle my flesh and spirit do every day and somehow I still tend to go on crazy crash diets.
So I start to wonder why? is it my lack of organization? But then how organized to you have to be to just wake up a little bit early every morning to read the actual WORDS OF GOD!
On the days I don't do my devos the person who suffers the most is me! Well maybe CJ too because I am a little bit crankier, well ok and the boys because I don't have the patience I need to deal with them.
So how do I rectify this situation? I could call my Mum and ask her to nag me, I could write it on a calendar, or I could just plain do it.
I recently started reading 'The Privilege' by Kay Smith and the first chapter is titled ' a Right relationship'. How can I think I have a right relationship with my Heavenly Father if I don't read His word? If I am not filling my heart with the instructions He has given me how can I expect Him to do great things in and through me?
So therefore I have purposed in my heart to read the word everyday even on days I've been to church.
Job 23:12 says " I have treasured the words of HIS mouth more than my necessary food".
Well then people, how often when you are eating breakfast are you discussing what you are goingto be eating for lunch or dinner? Reading the word of God should be like this. We should be excited about the next time we get to read. It shouldn't be well I'm a good christian so I have to read my devos every day its a GET TO.
You know how people go on those crazy diets where they only eat white things or they just eat special diet cookies. Sometimes for me reading the word of God is like this... I get all psyched up and read an amazing book or some really cool part of scripture but I still end up fizzling out. I end up feeling all down and gloomy because I gave up. Well I say if your like me we need like a Jenny Craig or Nutri System spiritual diet.
Like the ones where you ' Eat amazing food and pounds just fall off'. Lets just dig into our bibles everyday 2 times a day if we want and watch all that nasty fruit of the flesh fall away.
I am in, and I hope you are too. People find someone to keep you accountable or just realize reading God's Word is not a chore its a wonderful vacation with your Lord and SAVIOUR.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Mustard seed faith or Munchausen by proxy

Yesterday we took Phinny for his check up and ultrasound with the urologist/kidney doctor. The doctor came in and said that his good kidney was doing great in fact the best he had seen it since he was born... I was happy to hear the good news since it was my birthday & that was one of my wishes. Yet after a few minutes of that sinking in I started to cry... I had done this before when the doctor told us good news about his kidney. so why then would I cry when I heard the good news but in the times I had heard the bad news I was just still, no tears?
So then it got me thinking and wondering if I had Munchausen by proxy a disease where mothers make there children sick so they can hear what strong, courageous mothers they are and people feel sorry for them.
Was this me was I upset because my child wasn't sick or in need of some kind of surgery? Please excuse the drama of this but it truly danced around in my head... last week when Pierce had MRSA when his hand got better I didn't feel as if I was relieved or praising God...
This got me thinking and assessing why I would feel this way and I came to realization that all along people have been saying what great faith I had but really my faith wasn't that great. In fact I don't even know if it was the size of a mustard seed. What I had found out about myself was that I have been setting myself up for these appointments with the boys to hear the worse news... If my heart was prepared to hear the worse then when I heard it I wouldn't be shocked, and thus be able to continue on saying how faithful God was. God is faithful.  He has held me up through all that we have gone through but where I started to lack faith was I stopped believing God had the power to heal them and make everything better. I started believing that God just didn't want that for our boys... I didn't realize that until yesterday.
So after looking up Munchausen by proxy and seeing whether or not I needed to start seeing a Psycholgist I realized what I really needed was to repent and ask God to forgive me and to help me in my unbelief.
In Mark 9:14-29 there is a father who has a son who is sick...
Basically Jesus walks up sees a bunch of guys arguing over this kid and what to do. They bring the boy to Jesus and  Jesus says " If you can believe all things are possible to him who believes" The father replies with " I believe but help me in my unbelief". And Jesus heals the boy.

The best part of this is when the father says I believe but help me in my unbelief.  This father had the faith to know Jesus could heal his son but he also knew his own heart, knowing it all sounded too good to be true...
How many doctors or other priests and such had this man taken his son to? How many of them either promised him his son would get better or looked at him as if he was being punished for his sins?
In the Strong's concordance talking of this passage it says " it expresses the dilemma that even those who believe can be nagged by doubt and hopelessness."  This is where I had found myself allowing the enemy to get into my head and cause me to ever so slightly start to doubt the goodness of God.
Thankfully I will not be shaving the dog today and/or going on a bunch of crazy meds I just have a case of Unbeliefen in my Gody...
So from today on when I start to catch myself preparing for the worse I will be turning that around to trusting and believing God can do the impossible.
This whole issue with trust is where I believe we should be like the little children they trust just about everything...
They believe the impossible I think for us as adults we have seen so much bad we just start to expect it and become comfortable in it.
One of my favorite stories of my Mum and her brother is one day my Mum was walking home and saw my uncle sitting in the bushes. when she asked him why he was sitting there he replied " well she just kept pushing me down and after awhile it just got comfortable so I stayed here." This is what we do we get so comfortable in our misery I know its easier for me to expect the worse than it would be for me to just wholly trust God has the ability to grow Phin a new kidney or heal Pierce in one fail swoop.
Trust and faith go hand and hand... Faith is trust in motion.
So whatever your situation is TRUST GOD, trust that He can make it better, trust that He knows what He is doing. Take that mustard seed of faith and go move a mountain because with GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

These are a few of my favorite things ( no brown paper mittens)

So just of late I have found so much laughter happening in our home... Why?
I don't rightly know sir, but I do know it has made such a difference in my daily walk...

These are a few of my favorite things ( not necessarily in the order of most to least just likes):

1. Twitter - I love getting little tiny 140 characters or less updates from people all over the world. Because quite frankly you hear the most random things happening like someones child just told an old man he looks like emperor Palpatine from Star Wars... Or you can even here praise reports and  prayer requests...

2. My bible - actually reading the word of God everyday is AMAZING!!! To think that God is talking directly to me brings me joy! and then there are those times when it brings me a little pain because its cutting through my flesh... and lets face it our flesh doesn't like being cut!

3. My friends - I mean I have been blessed with friends around me that love me for who I am.  They even come over when I play games on my phone, and they stay! They come over on days when I'm not feeling well, they encourage me, make me tea and bring the occasional REDBULL!
which leads me to favorite thing number four...

4. REDBULL - It really does give you wings... I for some reason love redbull, I love the taste of it honestly... I love its name because sometimes after drinking one I actually feel as if I have been running with the bulls while wearing red! Which then makes you feel like your in Spain so after you crash from the sugar high you have a reason for a siesta!

5. Having Boys - Having boys somedays is so very tiring but I tell you this there is never a dull moment! There is always someone climbing on something, hulk smashing things or squeaking on you... In the Kelly household squeak = fart ( my appologies to both nanny & nonnie for the use of that word)
When Pierce was born someone bought me a plaque that said " A mother of boys work is from son up to son down" Yes, yes this is so absolutely true... There is also the other boy in our house my sweet husband. and by sweet I mean SAHWEET!!! We have always laughed at each other, with each other and at others! Oh how I love him.

6. TV - yes I am a TV head through and through... There is just something about it that sucks me right in... So of course since the great Kelly turn the TV off I have been itching and twitching but I will survive unless Survivor is on! Just kidding I don't really watch that. So I have been weaning myself with watching the radio TV stations... so there is still movement on the screen and noise coming out of it... This is a gradual step for all of us!

7. Autism - Of course there are some days this is not my favorite thing... Yet for the most part there are things about it I just love like the fact Pierce really can't tell a lie, he just doesn't know how to. The way he sees life its all so very detailed and he picks out the things I think we don't because we over complicate everything.
I love and hate the way when he has his mind set on something he will NOT and I mean will NOT stop until he has said thing in his hand... I recently was frustrated with this but also thought this was a good trait so I prayed and asked God to show me how to refine this skill he had given Pierce... And to give me the patience to deal with the not so good side of this like when he has his mind set on a Ben 10 toy and every 5 mins he is asking when can we go to Target and get Wrath? or " Okay Mummy I got my shoes on and I cleaned my room now lets go get Wrath!" Its like after everything he does he has to add in " okay lets go get Wrath!"
This is where I lose my patience and say some crazy thing like " If you mention Ben 10 toys one more time I will blow up the Ban Dai factory!" Which Pierce of course knows they are the makers of Ben 10, naturally.
8. My life - Maybe my life is not what I thought it would be when I was 15 and I though for sure I would be either a lawyer defending the weak or a doctor who has figured out a cure for the uncurable...
But my life is so much more than that... I protect the weak like when Pierce is going to hulk smash Phin for touching his toys... I am trying to find something to recover Pierce from some of the symptoms of his autism...
So I suppose I am doing some of what my 10 year plan was when I was 15 it just took me 20 years to do it...
One of my favorite sayings is - I was made to point them to Jesus, all of them CJ included. if that is all I ever accomplish in this life time I will hear well done! And that is all I ever need to accomplish.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Lessons on knitting from my Nan and God.

Ok so here is my second attempt at this blog thing...
So Psalm 139:13-14 says " For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well"

Growing up with my Nan in me life she loved to knit and I can remember countless hours just sitting there watching her knit... She would pick out the wool, get it all ready, pick out the pattern, and then start knitting.
Nan would just sit there rocking or humming hymns or as we called it deedling but all along she had always a smile on her face.
Now the reason I think about this is I think of God doing the same thing as he formed each and every one of us in our mothers womb. He picked the DNA all the atoms and molecules that would make us up- the wool.  Then I can just picture God picking out the pattern the pattern for our lives. How every stitch He made would serve a purpose... Would we become cardigans to keep someone warm in the cold, or booties or a scarf... Whatever it is that God has set as a pattern for your life it has meaning.
My Nan knew when she started knitting what that lump of wool would be when it was finished... The Bible talks about Jesus being the author and the finisher... God knows He knew when He was forming you in your mothers womb this is so amazing to me... To think on this that God knows every detail of my life all my hurts, all my happiness and joys everything... AMAZING GOD!
verse 14 says ' I praise you!' Lord I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
Now I think back to when my Nan would be knitting and singing... God did this when He formed you He smiled He loves you he knew He would send His son to die for you so you could one day be with Him.

I have held to this Psalm so tightly at times when I was trying to figure out how or why Pierce was born with his cleft lip/palate and then Phin and his kidney problems and then finally when Pierce was diagnosed with autism... Did God slip a stitch or was He looking the other way when these things happened? MOST CERTAINLY NOT!
He purposed them they were part of the pattern that He had originally picked out.
If you go on in Psalm 139 vs 16 says "Your eyes saw my unformed substance (ball of wool lol) ; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
To know that God did this all on purpose gives me great comfort... strange I know but it does because that gives me an answer and something to look forward to... I can look at my situation as can you and say ok what was I supposed to be? All along knowing this was no cosmic mistake or something we did wrong, God is not punishing us. He did it on purpose! All of the things we have gone through with our boys have grown us in ways I don't know i ever would of if they were not born like they were... I'm finding out my pattern, you should look for yours is it a cardigan, scarf, booties or whatever it is...
Find it praise God for it and live in it all along trusting in Him knowing He knows all about your days...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Why did I want to blog?

I have gone back and forth whether or not to start blogging...I realized that facebook and twitter just didn't have the space for me to express my feelings.
Our small journey started 6 years ago when Pierce was born.  Not knowing exactly where God was taking us but only knowing He had a plan!  Then when Mr. Phinny was born we had to once again trust that God was ultimately in control.  So we did and that is what we have done, even after the diagnosis of Autism for Pierce.

I am going to be very truthful with anyone who wants to listen and express the times when maybe my trust and faith in God is not as strong as some of the greats of the bible... but then again maybe it is just like theirs...
People say that hindsight is 20/20( at least I think thats the term lol). Well I can look back over the last 6 years and evaluate what I have done right and what I have done wrong, but one thing has remained true and constant... That is my God!
I have often pictured myself in the midst of the strongest hurricane ever and the only thing keeping me safe and alive is this pole which is grounded so deep it actually comes out the other side of the world. That pole is Jesus, He has comforted me when I need comfort and strengthened me when I needed strength all in all He has been my ALL in ALL.
 Acts 20:24 "None of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of GOD."
I believe this verse sums it up... I will continue on with JOY because Jesus had ministered to me in so many ways over the course of our journey and I know He will continue to do more...
I hope you enjoy reading all about our journey and are encouraged by what God CAN do for you too.